The Cyclist's Ten Commandments

1. Thou shalt wear thy helmet at all times, lest thou be taken for a twit.

2. Thou shalt ride on the right-hand verge of the road, through every pothole, drainage grate, and patch of glass, so that thy betters in their motor vehicles may not be inconvenienced.

3. And wave not thy tightly Spandexed bum in their faces! Some will be greatly offended, while some will be stimulated in unusual ways.

4. When a hefty Sheriff's Deputy weighing nearly as much as his SUV gives unto thee inane cycling 'advice', thou shalt tug thy forelock and bow thy head in great respect, lest he see the amusement on thy face.

5. Spittest thou to leeward, looking first to thy right and thy left, that thy riding companions will not catch a goober. Likewise with thine snot rockets take care.

6. Thou shalt stop at stop signs and red lights, lest thou become a hood ornament on a clapped-out Yugo with bad brakes.

7. At the approach of thy road-going betters in their motorcars, with horns blaring loudly, thou shalt extend verily ALL thy fingers of one hand, for emphasis.

8. Before each ride, know that thy bicycle has a spare tube and a pump attached, lest a flat tire givest unto thee an opportunity for a long walk in cleats, waddling like a duck on the roadside. Alternatively, carry thy Holy Cellphone of Antioch.

9. Dogs and skunks are thy Maker's sprint trainers. They teachest thou great speed and maneuverability.

10. Icy Hot, beer, and Italian food use thou in abundance. They are a blessing given unto you, and they make a sweet savor unto heaven.