Saturday, February 04, 2006

Ask Crankset! (Part 3)

Ask Crankset! is an advice column written by an experienced cyclist, Wally Crankset, who answers all your cycling-related questions!


Dear Mr. Crankset,
That oh-so-nice guy with shaved legs just dumped me. He ate my food, slept in my bed, and I thought we were made for each other. But he telephoned to say that he wouldn't see me again, because he "needed his own space". I'm so depressed. Why is it that every man who enters my life turns out to be a cad? I really need someone to talk to, someone who understands me, and values me as a person, not as a cook or a bedmate.
Signed
'Giddy' in Grove City


Dear Giddy,
I'm sorry for what you've gone through. In a way, I feel somewhat responsible for it. But due to a fortuitous set of circumstances, I'll be attending an author's symposium in Grove City in the near future. Perhaps we could meet for coffee or drinks.


Dear Mr. Crankset,
My fiance decided against becoming a chat show host, pornographer, or anchorman. Instead, he wants to try to write a book. Fortunately, we don't have to rely on a job for income - for either of us - and writing may offer the challenge he needs. Do you have any advice for an aspiring writer?
Signed
Vexed in Volant


Dear Vexed,
I'm flattered that you'd ask ME for advice on writing. There are other, far more experienced writers who could offer so much more. But I've learned three things about writing well. First, you have to learn to listen. Ideas often come from other people, who can sometimes serve up unintentionally good ideas. So listen carefully. Second, stay alert. If that means drinking too much coffee and eating too much chocolate, so be it. Writers must be prepared to make sacrifices. Finally, keep your body well supplied with energy, that is, eat the right foods, exercise, and get enough rest so that your body can withstand the rigors of sitting in an office chair in front of a computer screen for hour after hour. Remember, pasta is the perfect fuel for a writer!


Crankset, you rat!
I read that bit about meeting Giddy in Grove City! That's exactly how you met ME, you mangy dog! I was broken-hearted and you took advantage of it, just as you'll do to her. I won't stand for it! You're a rat, a low-down dirty rat, without morals or a conscience. It ain't happenin' again, buster, 'cause I'll stop you this time!
Signed
Wanda Sue Neidermeier


Dear Wanda,
I didn't know you still cared. Guess what? I don't. Now, put down your drink and step away from the keyboard until you sober up.


Dear Mr. Crankset,
My girlfriend and I have started training together. We each have strengths and weaknesses, but by riding together we can work out those differences, just as we're working out our differences in the kitchen, too. And we BOTH love pasta! Who'd have thunk it? There may be a tandem, and possibly a marriage, in our future. Thanks, Mr. Crankset!
Signed
The (former) Intimidator


Dear (former) Intimidator,
Good luck, and if you come across any really good recipes, please send me a copy!

1 Comments:

Blogger Fritz said...

Wow, you've had a busy weekend blogging. I guess you decided to hang out on the computer instead of cleaning guns, eh?

12:30 AM  

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