Wednesday, November 30, 2005

CycleDog: The Next Generation

I've been thinking about taking CycleDog to the next level, away from a computer-based, written communication to a more ethereal, direct-to-the-user form. There are considerable advantages for all of us. It would save me substantial amounts of writing time, and readers would get CycleDog without having to log on to their computers. CycleDog would have a direct, psychic connection into their minds.

I know, I know. Most of you don't believe you have psychic abilities. So we'll do a simple test. Think of these three words, and associate them with a picture in your mind. "Mutton-chops." "Ham." "Boisterous." Now, you immediately pictured Bob Roll, didn't you? For those who imagined Hillary Clinton or Ann Coulter, please consider emergency psychotherapy. Soon. Don't even bother to read the rest of this.

The next time something funny about cycling occurs to you, that'll be me doing a little testing. Feel free to giggle, chortle, or even guffaw. I have that effect on people, even when I'm not thinking of anything particularly funny. For some reason, they just can't control their feeling of mirth when I'm around, even when I haven't said a word.

Anyway, once I perfect the new, improved Psychic CycleDog, it will be universally available and completely free of charge. Think of it! You could be walking down the street, riding your bike in the park, or even taking a shower when a Psychic CycleDog piece flitters into your mind and you just about fall down laughing! Now, this is probably not a good idea when you're riding or showering, and the other people in the park might think you're a cackling maniac, but the joke's on them! You'll be one of the in-crowd, getting CycleDog directly into your head!

If I can figure out how to include some psychic ads, I'll be swimming in cash very shortly. Unfortunately, there's no way to opt out at present, so everyone will be getting CycleDog and the ads. And since we're facing a mid-term election next year, I'm considering putting political ads on CycleDog too.

But there's still hope!

While you can't opt out, it's an established scientific fact that aluminum foil hats block government mind controls rays and other psychic phenomena. So by lining your helmet with convenient aluminum foil, you can prevent a nasty fall or some other surprise. I'd expect that as this becomes widely known, aluminum foil supplies will be depleted very rapidly, so stock up now! In fact, it's probably a good idea to buy stock in Alcoa because it's undoubtedly going to skyrocket!

Remember, you read it here first!

Gotta go. Nurse Ratched says it's medication time.


Blogger Fritz said...

Here, a Real Live MIT Researcher empirically determines the efficacy of foil hats.

Here's the rebuttal.

5:50 PM  
Blogger hereNT said...

Were you the reason I was influenced to buy a fender while riding into work today? Or was it my slushy behind?

If it was you, I'll have you know that I resisted spending money I don't have. I could have gotten the race blades, but I just got the cheap clip on the seatpost kind. So neah :P

8:59 PM  

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