Ask Crankset (Final)

Holy Cow! This was in the Broken Elbow Ledger - Sunday edition.....Ed

Broken Elbow, OK (BogusNews Service)

Local Pastafarian Shot

Popular advice columnist, Wally Crankset, was shot and wounded on Friday evening as he left the Broken Elbow Giant Spaghetti Monster Tabernacle after services. Mr. Crankset, a devout Pastafarian, was admitted to New Oklahoma Mercy Hospital, where he is in fair condition, according to N.O. Mercy spokesman, Randall Zyhowski.

The shooter was apprehended almost immediately. Police identified her as Wanda Sue Neidermeier, the former "Miss Bullseye" of Broken Elbow and the divorced wife of Mr. Crankset. After the shooting, she tried to drive away, but crashed it into a parked police car less than a block from the scene. She was led away screaming, "Yes, I shot that son-of-a-bitch, and I'll do it again! I'll shoot his damned noodly appendage too!" Ms. Neidermeier refused a breathalyzer test, assaulted two police officers, and was charged with public intoxication, resisting arrest, mopery, and assault and battery, as well as the firearms charges.

The police are investigating this as a possible hate crime.

Mr. Crankset issued a statement from his hospital bed, saying that he may retire from his popular advice column in order to pursue missionary work in the Pastafarian ministry under an assumed name. "It's unfair to trade on my celebrity status as an advice columnist in the ministry", he said, "and it's not like I'm trying to hide out or anything."