Monday, April 24, 2006

Television lineup

I watch too much television. And I don't read enough, though I can claim that my eyes just don't want to stare at the printed page for long periods anymore. That's actually true. I love to read but eyestrain limits the time I can spend on it. Reading glasses help, but not enough. So I turn to television for entertainment.

I must be really, really bored.

Roughly half the fare on TV revolves around doctors, lawyers, or cops. The remaining half is composed of 'reality' shows. I have never watched a so-called reality show. Honestly, if all those people had to survive on a tropical island, tropical diseases would likely kill most of them. The rest would dine on the fat guys.

No, these shows are not about reality. If they were, we'd have shows that covered the grueling race from youth to retirement. We'd see someone navigating the perilous waters of multiple doctor appointments as they tried to diagnose a disease and treat it, all within the patient's ability to pay. We'd be treated to the spectacle of hypocritical politicians and businessmen turned loose in the backwoods, to be hunted by a pack of rabid consumers pissed off by high gasoline prices. There's nothing quite as terrifying as a bunch of housewives who've over-drawn the checking account in order to get groceries.

We need more cycling on TV, of course. How about a reality show that
depicts messengers trying to get from place to place, delivering packages while sorting out life's problems, sort of like the old "Route 66" or "Then Came Bronson". These road shows involved guys driving from place to place, encountering various troubled people along the way, and resolving their problems. Given some of the people I run into, we could probably do a street-level version of 'Star Trek"!

"Captain", intoned Mr. Spock, "Whatever that motorist is doing is beyond the realm of logic."

Sure, there's lots of sports on TV, but I don't watch them either. I knew a woman who said that most sports consist of "hit-the-ball-kick-the-ball-throw-the-ball-repeat-until-bored". I like to
participate in sports, but simply watching them is a waste of time. Mary says I'm obsessed with bicycle racing, but to be truthful, I fell asleep during yesterday's Liege-Bastogne-Liege coverage on OLN.

I've slept through a lot of movies too. It's weird to fall asleep during one and wake up after another has started. My brain tries to put the pieces together in some plausible way. This was kind of fun when the local TV stations ran westerns on Saturday afternoon - always a good time for a nap! Oaters are pretty much the same, so it was oddly amusing to fall asleep watching John Wayne and wake up to see Rory Calhoun.

Or how about a game show where the contestant must answer questions
correctly or their former spouse gets a mild electric shock? It would be a twisted version of the "Newly Wed Game" because we'd always wonder if the contestant gave the wrong answers deliberately.

I'm afraid we're going to be stuck with grasping, greedy trash like
'Deal/NoDeal" or insipid dreck like "Shaving With Celebrities!" - all of them requiring the intellectual ability of a toaster. No, I take that back. Toasters won't watch this stuff.

I need better reading glasses.


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