Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Let's make a deal!


CycleDog photo. Today's gratuitous kitten.


The email link brings an interesting offer.


Hi,


My name is Kevin, we are interested in teaming up with your blog in promoting our newly developed bicycle shape keychain opener . We are further interested in having our banner regarding the bicycle keychain bottle opener placed on your blog. In turn we shall give you an opportunity of making up to 8% on each sales leads from the blog, which will be up to $40 - $60 per sales.


As we all known that there are several events of race coming in nearly everyday, hence, this shall be a product which will be used by everyone organizing such events, hence, ensuring you of making up to $150 - $200 per day.


We shall be pleased to provide you with further details and information in case you are interested.


Product Link: DELETED


Regards
Kevin



Hi Kevin,

Kevin, you're selling a trinket. It costs a couple of dollars at most. For argument's sake, let's price it at 5 bucks. That means if I'm going to make $150 per day, over 180 people would have to click on your ad. That's far more than CycleDog gets in hits per day, so either you're entirely unacquainted with basic math or you think I am. Either way, it's stupid. And Kevin, it's really hard to put a price on stupid.

We're Americans, Kevin. We have twist-off caps on beer bottles, pull-tabs on aluminum cans, and wine in cardboard boxes. Not good wine, but I'm making a point about convenience rather than quality. So a bottle opener is not the necessity it once was. These days, only premium beer comes in bottles that require an opener. In fact, ours is used so little that I really had to search diligently for it in the kitchen the last time I needed it. Hence, it is seldom necessary. Hence, you won't sell many.

But allow me to assist you in a small way, Kevin. I'm sure that like many businesses, you're always looking for ways to expand into other product lines and other markets. So I have an exciting deal for you. I've made the acquaintance of the son of a deceased Nigerian general who may be persuaded to invest in your business once he transfers some funds out of the country. For a small one-time fee of $5000 (US), I can introduce you. Please contact me as soon as possible about this outstanding opportunity. For a slightly larger fee, I can connect you with opportunities for penis enlargement and even some teenage nymphomaniacs. If I were you, I'd go for the Trifecta: money, a bigger penis, and those randy cheerleaders. But please act quickly as I'm leaving on a university field trip to study the migratory patterns and mating rituals of the Oklahoma Bar Fly. I will not be available after June 1st.

Best regards
Dr. Walter Crankset
Professor Emeritus Haus Publicus
University of Southern Oklahoma, Broken Elbow Extension Campus

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3 Comments:

Blogger The Donut Guy said...

Outstanding.

I got the same e mail from Kevin last week....you've obviously put more thought into it then I did.

I just deleted it:-)

5:41 AM  
Blogger Joel said...

Got the same one last night and was sitting on it to decide if I was going to act on it. May have to try your approach.

3:02 PM  
Blogger Coelecanth said...

Convenience be dammed! I have a Park Tool BO-1 and I use it faithfully regardless of the twistiness of my beverage's lid. Using it confirms my top 'o the food chain, tool using, opposable thumb status 'cause any old primate can open a twist off. :)

5:54 AM  

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