Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Free Speedo Man!

In Tallahassee Florida, Richard Irby achieved minor celebrity status for riding his bicycle while wearing a thong. Oh, the horror!


Judge tells 'Speedo Man:' No more thongs

An avid bicyclist who regularly rides around town wearing only a thong, Richard Irby, 55, was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct for exposing himself in three different instances...

...Greenwood Mobile Home Park resident Daniel Blair told police that as he drove out of the park, 6-foot-3, 220-pound Irby was walking toward the park's office wearing only a blue thong with his genitals exposed. Blair was concerned for office manager Thelma Wylie and so he confronted Irby and insisted he cover himself.

The incident was caught on video surveillance, but it was inconclusive as to whether Irby was exposed.

Regardless, Irby ended up in court where he agreed to wear bicycle shorts that reached his knees.

After consultation with the large legal staff here at CycleDog, I must speak out on this issue. Cyclists must have the right to wear whatever they choose - even if the image of a large, hairy man in a Speedo causes people to wake up screaming at night. Provided he does so legally, i.e. no exposed genitalia, we stand firmly behind (well, off to one side with eyes averted, really) Mr. Irby in his quest to attain sartorial freedom. This is America, after all, and what is more peculiarly American than allowing one's freak flag to fly? We must come to attention and salute Mr. Irby's devotion to American freedom. We must highlight his cause by running it up the biggest pole we can find.

And what bigger pole could we find than Dr. Wally Crankset?

With that thought uppermost in our minds, the huge legal staff here at CycleDog decided that in the interest of true American freedom, Mr. Irby should be offered political asylum in that bastion of freedom, Broken Elbow, Oklahoma. None other than Dr. Walter Crankset, noted constitutional scholar from the University of Northeastern Oklahoma - Extension Branch in Broken Elbow, will travel to Florida to consult with Mr. Irby. If they can reach an agreement, look for news of it here in CycleDog.



Blogger yewenyi said...

that's horrible. The court is a bad thing. Next we'll be back to neck to knee bating suits. Anyway no-one go arrested here when some of my friends wore bathers.

9:51 PM  

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