Tuesday, December 27, 2005


From the "I wish I'd thought of that!" files...

Here I was thinking that the next religion would be based on Elvis Presley or more plausibly, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. How wrong I was! Pastafarianism is the worship of the newly minted deity, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who spends His time mucking about in human affairs via His noodly appendage. Invisibly, of course.

How does this affect cyclists? First, cyclists consume monstrous quantities of pasta. It only seems natural that Pastafarianism would be a good fit with such a diet. This could be the Next Big Thing - combining a radical new diet with a new religion! Forget Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig. We could eat tons of Italian food, ride our bikes, and gain spiritual grace at the same time! What's not to love?

Next, when we're having an off day, say, one of those slow moving Frank-Sinatra-in-my-head days, we can claim that His noodly appendage is holding us back, for reasons known only to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It works for me. Not that I'm ever slow or anything like that, of course.

Finally, since the worship of the Flying Spaghetti Monster entails full pirate regalia, we could be practicing our religion by cycling in traffic while carrying a mean-looking cutlass and a brace of pistols. I'd probably forego an eye patch since it interferes with depth perception, but I'd consider a dead parrot wired to my shoulder. Hmmm....speaking of dead parrots brings us back around to Monty Python again. There may be more connections here than I originally thought!

Excerpts from Venganza.org:

...We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia.

Excerpts from Wikipedia:

Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (FSM) is a satirical parody religion created in 2005 to protest the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution. The FSM was first revealed to the world by Bobby Henderson, a graduate of Oregon State University with a degree in physics.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is typically depicted as a clump of tangled spaghetti with two eyestalks, two meatballs, and many "noodly appendages," here in a parody of Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam. Illustrated by Niklas Jansson.In June 2005, Bobby Henderson submitted an open letter to the Kansas Board of Education in response to their scheduling a hearing debating whether to give intelligent design equal time with evolution by natural selection in biology classes. On his Web site, named venganza.org after the Spanish word for revenge, he formally requested that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism be given time in classrooms equal to that given to intelligent design and to "logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence" (evolution). He warned that if this was not done, "we will be forced to proceed with legal action." Shortly afterwards, he received sympathetic responses from three members of the board; a fourth replied that "It is a serious offense to mock God."

Images depicting the creation of the universe typically show the Monster, a tree-covered mountain, and a "midgit."Many of the "beliefs" proposed by Henderson were intentionally chosen to parody arguments commonly set forth by proponents of Intelligent Design:

An invisible and undetectable Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe, starting with a mountain, trees and a "midgit" (sic).
All evidence pointing towards evolution was intentionally planted by this being.
Global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct consequence of the decline in numbers of pirates since the 1800s. A graph showing the inverse correlation between the number of pirates and global temperatures was also provided. This component of the theory highlights the logical fallacy of correlation implying causation.
It is disrespectful to teach their beliefs without wearing "His" chosen outfit, full pirate regalia.
The monster continues to guide human affairs with his "noodly appendage".
Prayers to "Him" are typically ended by "Ramen", instead of "Amen".
Heaven has a stripper factory and a beer volcano.
Bobby Henderson is the "prophet" of this religion.
Every Friday is a religious holiday.


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