The Cyclist's Ten Commandments

(...with apologies to King James! This is one of my old Usenet pieces. How it ended up in my docs folder is a mystery.)

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Litespeed.

Thou shalt not boast of thy time in the last time trial lest thy fellows produce the true results.

Honor the graybeards in the peleton for they may yet have a few tricks to teach unto you.

Forswear they fellows from riding Shimano for it is an abomination my mine eyes.

Take not your machine to a shop where the 'professional mechanic' cannot yet shave.

Never mayest thou half wheel they brethren lest they call thee rude names.

Give freely unto motorists all the courtesy and respect that thou receive, forgetting not the hand gestures.

Rememberst thou to spit to leeward.

Practice thy sprint lest a wayward dog rend thy flesh from thee, thy foot from thy leg, thy hand from thy arm, and thy lycra from thy ass.

Let not the word h*lm*t pass thy lips in newsgroups for fear the armies of night and darkness should swarm upon thee, saying thy mother and father were not married, thy children are off the mailman, and thou hast the IQ of a toad.

Beware of the time thou spend with thy machine and thy fellows lest thy spouse hire a lawyer and divorce thee, taking thee to the cleaners even unto thine socks.