Bike Lust

Sometimes the term "bike lust" takes on an entirely new meaning.

Lascivious

An alert reader pointed me toward the following:

(Image from BikeHacks.com)

He said, "I'm not touching this one with a 10 foot pole, but maybe you can write something intelligent about it."

It's odd that he would mention 10 foot poles in conjunction with this BILF t-shirt. Could there be some sort of connection between over-endowed poles and, ahem, exotic bicycles?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Libidinous

Now you have to remember, that I'm in Oklahoma, the reddest of red states, where sex itself is barely legal and then only if you don't really like it, keep your eyes closed, and it doesn't resemble any form of dancing.

Lubricious

I am not making this up. Some years ago, a local baptist preacher agreed that his congregation would form a women's softball team, but insisted that they wear long pants and shirts with sleeves, as all that exposed skin might 'stir the loins' of male on-lookers. Worse, he insisted that visiting teams must adhere to his dress code.

Oklahoma is an Indian word for "This place is only about a mile from the Sun!" so sticking to his dress code would have required that all the participating women would slowly cook inside their own clothing. Speaking for myself, there's nothing very appealing about a sweaty, dirt encrusted woman yelling trash talk from center field, but there's no accounting for taste.

Lumbricoid

Such is life under the American Taliban. So you can only imagine the distress that the BILF t-shirt could cause here. I mean, it incorporates the letter F, which is suspect by itself, and would likely be banned if there were a suitable substitute. The acronym is indecipherable to most people here in the middle of the country, and when they don't understand something, they're 'agin' it. If by some unfortunate circumstance they did understand, the wearer would undoubtedly go directly to jail - despite the Constitution. After all, in the words of the Current Occupant, “It's just a piece of paper.”

Now, how about those L words? They undoubtedly sound salacious and that's only some of the Ls! Just like the Eskimos who have 3,011 different words for snow, we can't exhaust our vocabulary when it comes to words pertaining to sexuality. How could we possibly deny that we're highly sexualized beings? Except for those of us who are middle aged and married, of course. We just ride our bikes a lot.

(Image from Sydney Body Art Ride)

...and I really need to get out on the bike!