Left wing secret decoder ring
For years now, I've been part of the Left Wing Liberal Media, or LWLM for short. But I've never been a person who believes in secrecy and conspiracy as a means of pursuing our goals, so I've decided to come clean.
I'm going to tell you how the secret decoder ring works.
It's really quite simple, so simple that I'm surprised it hasn't come to light before now. The decoder ring uses a simple transposition code. A=A, B=B, C=C, etc. Yes, it really is that simple! So the coded phrase "Donald Trump has no chance of being elected to the presidency" translates as "Donald Trump has no chance of being elected to the presidency." "Sarah Palin is a gold-digging grifter" translates to "Sarah Palin is a gold-digging grifter."
This is diabolically clever! The right cannot believe that these simple phrases actually mean no more than they say, so they look for deeper, hidden meanings within them. And like an ink blot, they find what they most want to find, things like: "Liberals hate America!" "Liberals are in league with terrorists!" or - my personal favorite - "Liberals are afraid of Glenn Beck!"
So as an example of the tremendous power in the secret decoder ring, let's translate this phrase: "A serious commitment to deficit reduction requires a serious commitment to both sides of the issue -spending cuts and tax increases." It may be a good idea to stand well away from any conservatives you know when this phrase is decoded as their heads may explode.
The survivors, of course, will accuse you of being a bomb-throwing gay socialist radical from Kenya.