Friday, February 18, 2005

An impoverished, middle-class taxpayer...


I'm a poor, impoverished middle-class taxpayer here in the United States of America. I don't make enough money to qualify for the Bush administration's tax cuts that go to the upper 2%. Though I have a job, and it was once a very good one, cutbacks and the economic downturn since September 11th have caused my income to shrink alarmingly. Meanwhile, prices and taxes have gone up. My family is in a bind. I may have to sell some belongings in order to remain solvent.

This is where you can help.

I have a number of bicycles in the garage: some old three-speeds, a couple of fixed gears, BMX bikes, a tandem, and some racing bikes. Oh no, I'm not going to sell THEM! Instead, I'm thinking about selling my children, specifically my 14-year-old son. He comes complete with a video game system that he's quite skilled at using. I may throw in some other items, ones he has not developed consummate skill with, like math books, English books, and spelling. He's particularly creative with spelling, but let's just say that mastery is absent. Oh, I may throw in our old couch too, since he and it seem to be inseparable, and just for fun, those smelly piles of clothing from his bedroom floor. But if you want them, act quickly, because the EPA has expressed some interest.

I thought about listing him on E-Bay, but they have rules against this sort of thing. And to be fair, there are some drawbacks to having a teenage son. The lawn mower goes unused for long periods of time, for instance, though the refrigerator door gets a good workout every day! The kid does like to eat....and eat and eat. Before long, he'll be able to drop me at will when we ride together, and I can't allow THAT!

(Seriously, my son is a good kid - a teenager with too much interest in video games. I give him a hard time but I wouldn't trade him for anything! He's a budding bicycle mechanic and racer, and he can drop me going uphill already. Soon he'll be able to out-sprint me too. Like any parent, I worry about my kids sometimes, but also like any other parent, I'm enormously proud of them. We have our moments of conflict, of course, but my kids are the best part of my life. All too soon, they'll be grown and gone.........Ed)


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