Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Daily Grind

Juancho wrote in BigRingCircus:

By juancho

I cannot tell if this is a rut or the good life. Everything seems OK. Nobody is throwing any rocks at me. The bills are paid, more or less. My bike is still relatively new. The A.C. works. No, I guess it is not a rut, it is a routine. Same thing, damn near every day. There is really no need to complain. I'm eating well. Reading good books. Cracking different versions of the same jokes with the same friends I've had for about 15 years. I still laugh most of the time.

Still, at the edge of my mind's eye I see something shifting, restless....

...The problem is that the routine was the goal. To get out of the melee and lead a somewhat more predictable life is nice, as anyone who has been blindsided one too many times can tell you.

You know, some groceries in the fridge. Sheets on the bed. Middle class stuff.

...I want something BIG to happen. Famous last words.

Should I tell him? Nothing in life remains static for long. Just when we think our lives are settled, dull, and boring, something comes along to unseat those feelings, and often that's a disturbing experience. When all is strife and turmoil, we long for placid and boring. We're human. We always seem to want what we don't have at the moment.

I'm at the opposite end of the cycle from Juancho. I long for a return to normality, a return to that boring veneer that overlies chaos, giving an illusion of predictability and control to events that are spinning out of my grasp.

My oldest child graduates from high school this week.

I really don't understand parents who breathe a sigh of relief when their children leave home. Maybe I'm an old codger, stuck in old ways of thinking, but I enjoy having my kids nearby. I like to think that I can protect them somehow, although in reality I know that's not always possible. Sure, it's annoying when the video game is blaring in one room, the television in another, and two competing audio systems send bass thumping through the floor. But when all's quiet, the house feels empty.

We don't have a big home or an impressive car in the driveway. We don't dress fashionably or eat in the latest trendy restaurants. We don't have those things that seem to be the outward definition of success. I have only one treasure, my family, and with Lyndsay graduating, I feel like I'm losing part of that treasure.

I know that eventually I'll adapt to the new reality. It's how life works, after all. I've been living comfortably with the routine of schoolwork and vacations for thirteen years. I'm accustomed to it. But very shortly, a page will turn and a new chapter will start.

This is an exciting time for Lyndsay. Truthfully, it's exciting for all of us. But I have a sense of sadness, too, a sense of loss as my little girl steps out into the world and begins her own life away from the family. She'll leave for college in the fall.

I'll treasure every moment this summer.


Blogger Pete said...

Mine have 11 more years before graduation. Part of me looks forward to it, but part of me doesn't.

10:32 PM  
Blogger Paul Tay said...

Sounds like you bad boyz are going through a mid-life crisis, male menopause and all that. I think mine came and went right about my 40th b-day. About the only thing I decided to do within my control was to stop drinkin'. Everything else pretty much stayed the same. Well, except for getting impounded into county jail for various infractions such as spitting, cussing, and waving the American flag. Now, it seems me and Santa are wanted for dancin' in da streets. Oh well, live everyday like it's yer last and it'll all be alright. I thought about doing Freewheel with mom on a p-cab. But, that idea got washed out. She refuses to have anything to do with an over-pampered trust fund slacker. Hell, she didn't even vote for me in da last election. Go figure. Oh well, I still did something for her on Muther's Day. Made a sign for BATMobile: HONK 4 MOM. Good luck and don't be lookin' like a robber mixin' it up with some hot head in da parkin' lot.

10:40 PM  
Blogger George said...


Our daughter graduates as well and starts pre med in the fall. I'm hoping she lives at home for a few years afterwards to save up money for a house, but time will tell.....

Our 12 year old?

He'll probably never leave the house, he is a homebody and likes to spend all my money:-)

He has his career choices narrowed down to chef, poker dealer or priest so life should be interesting for the next few years...

4:50 AM  

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