On the campaign trail with Wally Crankset

BROKEN ELBOW METEOR NEWS

WHISTLE STOP, OKLAHOMA

24AUG2008

At a whistle stop in appropriately named Whistle Stop, Oklahoma, the Wally Crankset campaign originally planned a town meeting in the high school gymnasium, the largest venue available. Due to the recent unseasonable rains, the football field is underwater, so the team needed the gym for practice. Showing their adaptability, the campaign staff set up in a defunct Sinclair station nearby.

Dr. Crankset was delivering his stump speech about taxes, foreign policy, and taking personal responsibility, when he broke off to answer a heckler in the admittedly thin crowd. The man was later identified as Matthew Jackson.

“He ain't American. He rides a French bike!” yelled Jackson. The Crankset campaign is car-free and has been traveling by bicycle.

Dr. Crankset had taken the heckling with good grace to that point. He responded, “Yes, it's true. It's a French bike that's over 30 years old, and I'll keep right on riding it – all the way to Washington! It represents something we've lost as a people, and that's the simple determination to build things that last. How many of you are still driving the car you had 30 years ago? You put more money into that vehicle than I've ever spent on this bike, and that car and all your money is long gone. Why don't we build things to last rather than make them disposable? Think of it this way – if we built consumer goods to last a lifetime, if we build them to be repairable, we'd have money to spend on other things in life, like better educations for our kids, better medical care, or maybe a house on the lake or some other dream that's just out of reach. It requires changing our priorities. Rather than building new factories overseas to turn out more goods, we'd be spending our money employing local people in small businesses. So sure, I ride a French bike that's over 30 years old. If I can keep it repaired, I'll ride if for another 30 years!”

Mr. Jackson replied with a string of profanities, and two members of Dr. Crankset's security detail escorted him from the building.