Thursday, August 12, 2010

Mmmmm! Coffee!

How to make coffee at 5 AM.

There's nothing quite as nice as fresh, hot coffee on an early morning commute. Here's how it's made.

First, locate the kitchen. It's a large room equipped with a refrigerator, stove, sink, microwave, and a whole lot of gadgets that serve no known function. Somewhere in that room there should be a lightswitch. Turn it on.

Locate the tea kettle, a large closed vessel meant for boiling water. Put fresh water inside it from the sink, then place the tea kettle atop the stove. Turn on the burner, being careful to see that it's really burning and not merely filling the room with natural gas. Ignoring this step can lead to a powerful explosion or slow asphyxiation. If something smells funny and it's not you, double check to see that the burner is truly on.

While the water heats, get an insulated water bottle from the cupboard. Place it on the countertop next to the stove. Be sure the open end of the bottle is facing up.

Find the Melitta one-cup drip coffee maker. It may be in the cupboard next to the coffee cups or it may be in the dishwasher. Place it on top of the water bottle which should still be sitting on the countertop with the open end facing up.

Find the No.2 coffee filters in the cupboard next to the stove. It says No.2 on the box. There are some No.4 filters in there too, but they're reserved for an advanced lesson in coffee making.

Put the filter in the drip coffee maker.

Find the coffee. It may be beans or it may already be ground. If it's ground, add 2 teaspoons to the filter. That's 2 teaspoons of coffee, not 2 teaspoons from the drawer.

If only coffee beans are available, add about 3 teaspoons to the coffee grinder. They'll be more compact once they've been ground. Turn the grinder on and after the beans are finished, put the coffee in the Melitta filter.

When the water is almost boiling, pour it over the coffee in the filter. Be sure the Melitta device is still sitting atop the water bottle and that the water bottle has its open end facing up. Add just a little bit of water at first in order to settle the grounds. Once they're saturated, add the rest of the water.

This is sometimes a tricky judgment call. If you add too much water, the bottle overfills and it slops over the side onto the counter top. One way to prevent a mess is to put a saucer under the bottle. If you add too little water, however, the coffee will be very strong and roughly the same viscosity as used motor oil.

After the water finishes dripping through the Melitta device, remove the coffee maker from atop the water bottle. Dump the filter and grounds into the trash and place the coffee maker in the sink.

Add sugar and creamer to taste - in the coffee - not in the sink. Place the bottle into its holder on the bike and prepare to leave the house. One on the street, promptly fumble the bottle, spilling the very hot contents down onto your jersey and legs. Stop and use some colorful language to express your dismay before turning around for a change of clothing.

At this point, you should be fully awake.



Blogger Steve A said...

Coffee is pretty good at 5:50PM when it's 105 out and you also have triple filtered ice water for the last leg home. Or maybe my brain is fried...

5:54 PM  
Blogger Ed W said...

I like iced coffee when it's hot like this, Steve, and it was 105 on my front porch in the shade this afternoon. But I'm also fond of a tiny cup of espresso with a tall, ice-water chaser. Since we bought the new refrigerator with filtered water available from a tap on the front, my water consumption has increased.

7:35 PM  
Blogger The Donut Guy said...

Aw heck Ed.... I just make my 16 year old son get in the car and go get me coffee at the quickie mart when I want some.

Other then the fact that I have to pay for it, his drinks, my wife usually gets a drink and the gas for him to get there and back and I'm usually out a ten spot....wait a minute, maybe your way *is* better:-)

9:38 AM  
Blogger Ed W said...

Back when I was in high school, Bedrock High to be exact, my Dad sent me over to Murrysville PA to fill the tank on his VW when they were having gas wars. He gave me a five dollar bill. I filled the gas tank, then went to McD's for cheeseburgers, fries, and a drink, and still had change when I got home!

Gosh, I'm old.

4:15 PM  
Blogger Yokota Fritz said...

It just magically appears already made in my office. When I empty the pot, I come back several minutes later and somebody has thoughtfully made another batch just for me!

4:48 PM  
Blogger Ed W said...

I stopped drinking from what another blogger calls the coffee urinal some time ago. It was just too annoying. Our band of "rugged individualists" couldn't make a pot of coffee themselves. They waited until someone else did it, then pounced on the full pot. We called one guy 'Lightning' because he appeared like a bolt of lightning every time a fresh pot was on. He'd walk back and forth past it, waiting for someone to make it.

But I gave up on that. I have a Melitta device, coffee beans, and a grinder in my toolbox. Gonna get me an Aeropress sometime too!

4:56 PM  
Blogger PM Summer said...

I have recently discovered that using genuine Melita filters improves the coffee's flavor (compared to using generic cone filters). Must be the dimples.

9:07 PM  
Blogger Ed W said...

A friend mentioned that too, PM. I've used both the white and brown filters from Melitta, as well as those white generic ones, and frankly I can't tell the difference. Maybe if I did a side-by-side comparison....

8:01 PM  
Blogger lemmiwinks said...

Stove top moka pot for me.

7:44 PM  

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