Drugs and sports doping

(Image from Tadapani on Flickr)

I'm going to set aside my usual snarky attitude and speak seriously for a moment.

Right at the outset, believe me when I say that using performance enhancing drugs to gain a competitive edge is wrong. Those who cheat richly deserve the punishment when they're caught.

Now consider Olympic medalist Michael Phelps and a photo of a bong hit. In a strictly legalistic sense, there's no real evidence of drug use because there's no knowing what the bong contained. Yet he's lost income as a result of the photo. And honestly, folks, is anyone trying to claim that marijuana is a performance enhancing drug? It may be if you're engaged in competitive eating, but other than that probably not.

Our society has taken an almost schizophrenic approach to drug enforcement when it comes to marijuana. Our draconian laws forbid even using it for medical research. So there may be legitimate uses for marijuana, but we'll never know.

Consider the common analgesic - aspirin - which came originally from willow bark. It has obvious benefits, yet if we'd choked off all chemical investigations of willow bark, we wouldn't have aspirin.

Ultimately, Phelps is paying the price for our society's goofy attitude toward illegal drugs. We use all sorts of legal drugs meant to calm us down, make us sleep, give us better attention spans, or provide long lasting stiffies. Yet the illegal ones - whose effects may have genuine benefits rivaling those legal drugs - bring out hypocritical outrage when some high profile person uses them. It's time we set aside the hype and political posturing, and do some unbiased clinical investigation of marijuana use.

Performance benefit? Only if you're eating handfuls of Cheetos and drowning in Pepsi.

Prefromence ehnancing drugs....

OK, in the interest of full disclosure, I have to come clean. I've used performance enhancing drugs.

There, I've said it. I feel SO much better, though Dick Pound will probably denounce me now.

I was a competitive swimmer back in high school - not a great swimmer, though. Right before a meet, our coach handed out 'butterfly pills', antacids that were supposed to prevent hurling. Vomiting in the pool is definitely frowned upon when you're sharing the water with team mates and competitors. It's good form to make it to the side of the pool and hurl in the scuppers if you can't run to the men's room.

It was common for someone to upchuck during practice. I once swam thorugh a cloud of spaghetti after it had been on the menu at lunch. This was not especially appetizing, despite the high chlorine level in the water.

We had sugar pills too, supposedly glucose that would provide quick energy. They tasted like Sweet Tarts. Chances are they were nothing more than candy.

I've abused alcohol too. It improved my pinball game and made me far more attractive to women, though I know that last is hard to believe. I'm starting at the top of my game, so to speak, and a couple of drinks only adds an extra layer of gloss to an already shiny exterior. (Mary rolled her eyes at this. I can't imagine why.)

These days, when I have a glass of wine in the evening, I make sure the front door is locked. That way I don't have to fend off hordes of beautiful women intent on ravishing me yet again. I can snore in uninterrupted peace.

What really sparked these thoughts about drugs and performance was a biographical piece on the late gonzo journalist Huster S. Thompson. He used copious quantities of drugs and alcohol to fuel his writing. I can't do that, of course, though it's certainly true that I use some drugs - mainly ibuprofen and antacids. Alcohol just makes me sleepy.

The other thought in tandem with the above is that I feel I'm in a slump right now. Writing has been a chore rather than something I enjoy. Writing comedy is hard when the ideas have to be forced onto the pages. I love it when a piece seems to flow from my fingertips into the keyboard, but that hasn't happened recently. So, I've been toying with the idea of changing my preferred performance enhancing drug, strong coffee. Usually, I drink the dark roasts like Italian or French. Lighter roasts have more caffeine, however, and I'm wondering if the extra jolt would help fire my imagination. It may be something to investigate this weekend.

In addition to feeling mentally down, I'm physically down too. My knees have been painful for about 2 months. The right one felt as if it would buckle at any moment. I've been walking slowly and taking stairs very gingerly. Even stepping down from a curb had to be done carefully.

So I haven't ridden my bike to work for over a week. It seems this relative ease has helped them heal. Or at least the worst of the pain seems to be gone. I'll be back in the saddle on Monday.