Floyd Landis....hacker?

The story is available on hundreds of sites by now. A French judge issued an arrest warrant - apparently only valid in France - for one Floyd Landis. Pierre Bordry, president of the French anti-doping agency, said Landis is wanted for illegally hacking into the files of an anti-doping laboratory while preparing for his defense on doping charges.

All this happened in 2007. They're just getting around to bringing charges now? Why is there a whiff of over-ripe cheese about this?

Landis was found guilty of doping. He appealed and lost. He cannot find a spot on a professional team despite having served his suspension. The French really seem to be vindictive over this whole affair since the basis for the warrant was a trace to the IP address of Landis' former coach, Arnie Baker. Unless there's much more they're not revealing, the information connecting this to Landis is sketchy.

But here's a thought - somewhere in France there's undoubtedly been some computer hacking during the Tour. And that pesky American, Lance Armstrong, has been in the country when it happened. It's very possible that Armstrong, as a secret member of an American cabal out to discredit French cycling, culture, haute cuisine, and their execrable cars, hacked into all those computers while hiding in plain sight within the pro peleton. It's only a little more far-fetched than the charges against Landis.

Are we not idiots?

A perennial favorite during the TDF is the annual 'most annoying commercial' whineage. And of course, I'm not immune. The worst-ever in my memory were those reeking Lincoln Navigator ads a few years back, so this year's contender is only modestly annoying by comparison. Still, the premise is that American consumers are basically morons.

You've undoubtedly seen the ads. Some schmuck wanders into a happily spinning business and gums the whole thing up by trying to pay for his purchase with - gasp! - cash. Think about it for a moment. If you were running a business, would you turn away a potential sale because the buyer offered cash? Of course not. Businesses exist to make a profit and in order to do that they must have satisfied customers. Otherwise they'll be gone from the marketplace in short order.

Now, it's been a while since I worked in a retail shop, but back then the credit card companies charged the store a transaction fee of about 3%, if I recall right. I'd suspect that hasn't changed. We lost 3% on each credit card sale in order to give the customer a convenient way to pay. Any business owner would rather take cash or checks. He makes more money.

So the assumption in these commercials is that the world runs more smoothly in its groove when we all use our convenient plastic debit cards, and somehow only the truly benighted Luddites among us insist on using real money. What kind of moron, other than an advertising executive, would believe this nonsense?

Tomorow morning, I'll pay for my coffee with a couple of crumpled dollar bills, just like last weekend and the weekend before that. Sandy will take them and smile. Maybe we'll share a joke or two. But we both know that if I or any other customer felt unwelcome in the shop because we chose to pay with cash, well, next week we'd be drinking our morning cuppa in a different coffee shop.

Preparation for the Tour day France

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Bicycle Net published a list of essential French phrases to aid in understanding some of the terms used during the Tour de France, or as we say here in America, Tour Day France. The list is long and fairly comprehensive. I've merely copied some excerpts below. If you need to pronounce them properly, try to speak through your nose as much as possible and do a passable imitation of Pepe Le Pew. While we Americans cannot claim to be intimately familiar with French culture, we can be very thankful for the culinary masterpiece they've shared with the rest of the world - French fries. With a bit of ketchup or mayonnaise, they're perfect!

(LINK)

Jul 2007

Parlez Vous Tour de France? - French Words Useful for Understanding the Tour de France

French Vocabulary Related to Cycling and the Tour de France

Whether you love cycling or just watching competitions like the Tour de France, you’ll want to learn some French vocabulary related to cycling.

un commissaire - referee who travels by car

un coureur - rider, cyclist

un cycliste - rider, cyclist

un directeur sportif - manager

un domestique - support rider

un échappé - breakaway

une équipe - team

un peloton - pack, bunch

un poursuivant - chaser

un rouleur - smooth and steady rider

un soigneur - rider’s assistant

un bidon - water bottle

un maillot - jersey

une musette - feed bag

un col - mountain pass

une côte - hill, slope

la flamme rouge - red marker at 1 kilometer from finish

la lanterne rouge - last rider

le maillot à pois - polka dot jersey (worn by best climber)

le maillot blanc - white jersey (worn by best rider under 25)

le maillot jaune - yellow jersey

le maillot vert - green jersey (worn by leader in points)

Of course, here at CycleDog, there are a few additions:

un dopeur - a rider who cheats by using banned performance enhancing drugs. According to the French, this includes all non-French riders.

un whiner - anyone who works for L'Equipe, the French sporting newspaper that covers the tour.

un fair and balanced - L'Equipe's coverage of foreign riders.

un loser - French rider.

un coureur American - upstarts who through chicanery, cheating, and out right thievery have prevented honest, upright French riders from winning their national tour.

L'année prochaine - Literally, "next year" in English, when the French can hope to win the Tour for the first time since 1985.

Enjoy these words, and feel free to use them in ordinary conversation around the office or shop. When others mispronounce them or use the English equivalents, correct them immediately. Honestly, they'll thank you for it and no one will think of you as a pretentious asshole.